Today was one of those "That did NOT just happen" days.

Austin got off to the airport a little later than we had hoped because of the late night/early morning soiree we had with Taggart (see previous post). I wasn't quite sure how we were going to make it through the day. The goal: Happy Survival. I was about to leave Taggart outside to play by himself while I watched from the window when I had the thought twice to check the gate on the side of our house. "That's silly!" I thought to myself. I had just fixed it yesterday. As it turned out, the gate was WIDE open. I'm glad I checked. I should've taken that as a warning of things to come.
Shortly after I came back inside my mother-in-law, Lynne, called. I love talking to her. As we began to talk, Taggart came in. I turned my back literally for a second when I heard a big BANG followed by Taggart crying. He doesn't cry at little things- especially not like that. I have NO idea what happened but Taggart's mouth was bleeding, he had a goose egg already forming on his forehead, and it looked like he might've bitten himself between his bottom lip and chin. He let me look in his mouth for a second and it looked like a spot on his gums was purple. When I touched it, he wailed and wouldn't let me look in his mouth anymore. I called Lynne back to let her know we were fine and to ask her opinion about Mr. T's gums. We concluded he was probably fine.
And if that wasn't enough: Taggart kept insisting on going into our bedroom against my will. The plan was to lock him out of our bedroom. So I tested to see if the key to our house would unlock the bedroom door and it went in and turned. (It's the type of lock that you put on your front door! Who puts a lock like that on their bedroom door?! It must've been the tenants that lived here before us.) I coaxed Taggart out only to have him go back in a few minutes later and declare that he wanted to go "night night" on our bed. "Whatever," I thought and let him do it. When I went to check on him the door was locked. My house key wouldn't unlock it. I tried numerous other things to pick the lock but to no avail. I called our property manager and she said she'd send someone over. In the meantime, I called Lynne to help me stay sane. She probably thought I was the biggest basketcase of a mother who should never be left alone with her own children. She ordered me off the phone and to do whatever I could to get Taggart to come to the door so that he wouldn't get hurt. I tried slipping fruit snacks under the door until I realized that it if he choked I'd hear him but not be able to help. So, I tried puzzles, books, my hand and he ignored me and played on the computer. As I sat on the floor next to the door nursing Lillian, I could hear him doing stuff to the new printer/fax/copier that sits on a shelf above our new computer so that meant he was standing ON the desk. "If Austin only knew!" I thought. He doesn't like it when I SNEEZE within 5 ft. of his computer. I was imagining Taggart purchasing homes in the Hamptons on Ebay, deleting Austin's school papers and programs, and destroying the screen with the permanent markers and scissors that sit next to the computer. All of a sudden I heard a man's voice coming from the room. It was Austin's audiobook about the Kennedy assassination. Then the volume got louder and I heard the organ from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir playing the intro to "The Spirit of God." I burst out laughing so hard I cried and called Lynne. We laughed pretty hard. I kept picturing the locksmith's arrival to such a scene. He arrived 10 minutes after my first call to the manager and broke the knob off the door. Taggart and the computer were unscathed- unless you count the scissor scratch mark on the keyboard. He had opened so many windows on the computer that I had never seen before so I left them up for Austin to see when he got home that night- HE'D never seen many of them either.
I put the broken doorknob in Taggart's "keepsakes" box.

I make no apology for the lack of pictures on this one. I admit that keeping up with Taggart today caused me to be neglectful of Lillian. I wasn't about to deprive her further for the sake of our blog. Doesn't she LOOK deprived of happiness and nourishment?